Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Growing up my family didn't get professional (or even non-professional) photos very often, partly (I think) from monetary reasons and partly because of my mom's battle with her weight and feelings of self-worth. As we are once again approaching the anniversary of her death, I am saddened by how few photos we have of the family. Looking back, I don't remember my mom being overweight, what I do remember is a great laugh, a lap that was soft and warm, always willing to read a book or give a hug, and a mom willing to go outside with us to help us with whatever sport we were currently playing (and goodness knows she had her hands full trying to turn this girly-girl into an aggressive sports player).
Luckily I am blessed with a great friend who does a fabulous job taking photos (the great Erika Snow has done all of James's photos and several of Colby and I), who values the importance of photos, and isn't afraid to push me a bit when it comes to family photos. Do I want pictures of James to capture that moment in time?! Yes, I am great about making sure they happen. Photos of myself?? Not so much.
My baby is now over one and those 30 pounds that I was supposed to lose right after he was born have stubbornly stuck around. (Can you still call it baby weight when your child is no longer considered a baby?!) But as a thought about (and stressed about) getting these latest family photos taken I realized a couple of things, first, no matter my weight I would always find something about myself that was less than perfect and, in my mind, ruining the photos (which the mean voice in my head is a whole 'nother discussion).
Second, that I have an amazing husband who hates getting his photo taken even more than I do but he is willing to do it, without complaining I might add, because I wanted it done. Not only did he show up in the appropriate outfit, he listened to me stress and obsess over the color palate of the outfits and have a freak out the day of regarding the clothing I had already chosen.
Third, and most important, that regardless of what I think about it this photo captures a picture of what our little family looks like at this exact moment. Our family will never look like this again, other children may come, James will get older, and never again will we look like we do right now. So I am going to ignore how round my face looks and my dress size and appreciate the great setting, the way my family looks at this exact moment, and, let's be completely honest, nobody is really looking at me when they can see that cute little boy in the front.